Inner Anxiety

As the travel day gets closer, I start having all these second thoughts. I am trying to ignore them but, it’s difficult. I had similar feelings prior to leaving for basic training in 2011. Of course my feelings back then were more similar to fear than they are to uneasiness. I constantly think about whether this is the right decision or if I am setting myself up for failure. Perhaps I’m leaving something behind in the process of trying to shut out external noise.

I saw a young woman whom I used to go to school with. I wasn’t necessarily friends with her but she was recognizable. I’m not even sure I’ve ever had a conversation with her before. She was just someone I’d been in the same room with at a club meeting or something. She’s 21 years old and just won an election into the Florida House of Representatives. The article was about how she was starting orientation along with the other 65 new representatives. She made history being the youngest person ever elected to the House.

I find it incredibly impressive that someone as young as her could make such an accomplishment. Of course, this thought leads to me thinking about myself. Here I am, 25 years old and still trying to find my place in the world. Why isn’t that me? Why don’t I have something to be proud of yet? Some say that this thought process is healthy. They say that as long as I am not content with my current situation then I will always be finding a way to make it better. If that was true then why am I running away from life for a year?
This is all pessimistic and even cringeworthy, but I know that this is just something I go through before embarking on a new path of this size. Now that I think of it, I am pretty sure I had similar feelings on a smaller scale when I was moving to Orlando for the first time. New isn’t always easy. It’s always hard. However, you never know what’s on the other side unless you force yourself through it.

Good job! Way to talk myself out of that one.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s